Sharp Tongue Aftermath

This morning, someone very close to me told me that I cause my husband stress because I am overbearing and rude.  It hurt me deeply.  Then, it got me thinking about scriptures that teach us to hold our tongue, avoid making insulting remarks, refrain from allowing our tongues to damage an other's spirit.  Rather, we are to speak with compassion, mercy and love. 

These words were spoken, I had heard them and they cannot be unspoken.  So, now what?  As I have counseled many times, the harmful words and actions of others do not define who we are.  Only God can define you.  As an adult, I understand this.  Yes, the words were hurtful..  No, they don't define me. Yes, I will get over it, forgive, and keep on being me.  As a young girl, I didn't have such confidence, wisdom or strength.  This morning, I was reminded of one such time when I was hurt so deeply that it did change me, stealing any confidence my broken little 13 year old spirit had.  Yes, words can be like daggers through the heart when haphazardly spewed with disregard for the listener.

When I was a youngster, I played softball for a traveling softball team, the Metro Atlanta Angels.  I got along okay with the girls I played with, but most of them weren't my friends.  We played in tournaments all summer long, all over the Southeast.  One particular weekend, we were playing in Rex, GA.  We won our game and gathered around the dugout of a rival team from Stone Mountain to watch their game.  A lot of the girls on my team were friendly with the girls on the Stone Mountain (SM) team.  The SM team was up to bat, so most of their players were in the dugout.  One of the girls came over to talk to us through the fence.  She saw me and said "hey, are you Patti, the catcher on the Angels?"  I told her that was correct.  She said "You're the one nobody likes."  She laughed and most of my teammates laughed along with her.  I was sitting Indian Style, so I lowered my head into my lap so no one could see my face.  We sat there, as a team, through that entire game and not one person knew that I hid my face because I was crying.  When the game was over and everyone stood to leave, I didn't move.  My best friend thought I was asleep and tried to wake me up.  I didn't respond.  I took my mom and an assistant coach to get me to the car that day.  My spirit was broken by the harsh, yet true words the SM player had spoken.  My mom was ticked, my coach called a meeting to put an end to such behavior and the SM team's coach was notified of what transpired.

None of that mattered.  Those words could not be unspoken.  The damage to my spirit was a deep wound.  It was difficult for me to show my face at practices or tournaments after that.  One harsh statement had taken such a toll on me, I was changed forever. 

Those words, the laughter of my teammates, made me question every friendship I have ever had.  I went through school with very few friends, always feeling like I was the girl no one liked...you know, "that girl."   Still to this day, I question the motive of people I meet, taunted by the words of  one mean girl on that day nearly 30 years ago.

Ever wondered if you words have a lasting effect on people.  Well, now you know.  I don't remember the girl's name that said it.  But you can bet I clearly remember the words and the laughter.  Those words changed the path of my life, took hold, rooted deep in my heart and haven't died yet.  If I had only been mature enough to know that I wasn't defined by that statement.

I Peter 3:10 and following states:  For,

“Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep their tongue from evil
and their lips from deceitful speech.
¹¹ They must turn from evil and do good;
they must seek peace and pursue it.
¹² For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

The words spoken to me this morning cut me deeply.  Yet they lead me to ask "have I spoken such harshness?"  Am I guilty of hurting someone else this way?  I work hard to encourage, support and love others.   I have seen first hand the lasting effects of "Sharp Tongue Aftermath."  Are you guilty of it?

Lead a life of compassion, passion, mercy and grace.  Write the words of I Corinthians 13:13 on your heart.  Replace deep cutting words with the deep love for one another Jesus calls us to have.  I am a never ending work in progress, trying to be a better me everyday.  But, I am also perfectly made, just as God says I am.  Rude and overbearing?  No...Just me.

LYMI!