It has been a little over a week since our lovely South Korean foreign exchange student graced our presence with her beautiful smile, entertaining pronunciations and brilliant laughter. It has been uncomfortable at times, enlightening, enjoyable, funny, emotional and yes, challenging.
We waited FOREVER at the top of the escalators at the airport, nervous that we missed her and she was waiting all alone by the baggage carousel, scared out of her mind. Then, finally, she appeared, spotted our ridiculous sign and came over laughing. She had a good trip because she met another student who was coming over to go to the same school and they became pals. The first thing we noticed was her smile and she giggled a lot. She told us her flight was "un-a-comfort-a-bllle," which made us giggle.
The first few days were strange. We felt uneasy in our own home, trying not to fuss, yell, cuss or make her un-a-comfort-a-bllle. I'm positive that all of the "trying" made us fail miserable. But, school started back and we got into the swing of things. Routines always seem to help settle people into something new. With school and regular life came the challenges we knew would be coming our way.
We take our understanding of the English language for granted. I didn't realize that until I began to try to parent a Korean speaking teenager who had only a small vocabulary of English words. Sentences seem to no longer fit into our daily communications. I am sure she has been thrown onto a merry-go-round unwillingly with no way to get off for the next six months. I am also sure that the way we do things, like parenting, differ from her homeland. Strict rules don't seem to be something she is used to.
In my house, what my hubby and I say goes. Just ask our two girls. We are strict, demanding and expectant. We don't apologize for it either. So, anyone who visits is expected to follow house rules too. This includes understanding and acting upon things like "hurry up," dinnertime round up, lights out, no spend the nights on school nights, getting permission to do certain things, etc... Try communicating that to an independent demanding non-English speaking teenage girl!
Jet lag was definitely expected after a 7100 mile, 15 hour direct flight from Seoul. It was also expected that it would start to wain after a few days of sleeping constantly...almost in her spaghetti plate at one dinner. So, I didn't understand why she was nodding off in the middle of conversations later in the week. Come to find out, our "lights out" rule wasn't one she liked and she had no plans to adhere to it. When questioned about being so tired, she informed me that she was staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning, talking to another Korean she met at our school. What? Sympathy for her exhaustion disappeared immediately, fire flashed in my eyes and submission to our "house rules" began. The threat of removing her phone, computer and ipod at bedtime each night seems to have straightened that out.
There have been a couple of more "rule" challenges like that, which were dealt with swiftly and successfully. RJ doesn't seem to be doing much of the "dealing" and gets this look on his face like a scolded little puppy when I correct her. He's no help...the sissy! He does have a soft spot for her and he helps me make compassionate choices in dealing with her.
Yesterday was a hair pulling experience that turned into a heart melting moment. Communication was not in our favor from the time we started our day. She was going to another Korean's host family's house to study for a test...or so I thought. With their address plugged into our GPS, SEATBELTS ON (challenging house rule) and everyone in agreement that we were dropping her off at her friend's house, we headed out on the 25 minute trip across town. Logic tells me that she should have realized what was going on and corrected the miscommunication, but that didn't happen...well, not quickly anyway. We pulled into the driveway and she said "what is this place?" The other host family's house. Apparently, she had plainly stated to us prior to leaving the house that we were supposed to take her somewhere else. Maybe another place, further away, but with the same address as the house we were sitting at? Obviously annoyed, I try to hold my tongue while figuring out where she wanted to go. It seems that a Korean BBQ restaurant across town the other way was her intended destination. Climbing back in the car, I could see on RJ's face that he could tell how disturbed I was getting. This communication thing was really getting to me. I knew where the Korean BBQ restaurant was, so we drove "all the way" over there. She apologized many, many times on the way. Apparently, she can read my body language too. About 25 more minutes and we arrived to find that her friends were not in the restaurant. Luckily, the hostess knew where they were. We walked around the corner to the karaoke room and found her friends, who speak fluent English and were able to tell me where and when I could pick her up. Relieved to get her where she was going and longing to get back in the car, out of earshot to release the tension on RJ, I turned to leave. That's when I was stopped in my steps..."Bye Mom." Awe!!! My heart melted, we giggled and hugged goodbye. She was so happy to be with her people and so appreciative that we brought her "all the way" over. How can you be mad with that?
Now, she's calling me "Mom" and RJ "Dad" and giggles every time she says it. She seems to be adjusting, as do we. Those adjustments aside, she seems to be a really great girl, far away from home, a little scared, a little lonely, missing her own Mom. What can I say, my heart bleeds with compassion. Bedtime, communication, house rules and all considered, I think we're doing ok.
I loved here before she arrived. I love her more now. I love her more everyday. I have said this before and I will say it again...She isn't the only one receiving the blessing here, she seems to be a bigger blessing to me that I am to her. So, my hair still intact, my attitude adjusted and my heart filled, I sit here amusing myself with the memories of the past few days while praying for her to do good on the tests she has today because she left for school this morning terrified and completely stressed out... Kinda feels like one of my kids already.
No comments:
Post a Comment